And then there were four...an adoption memory

If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies. 

~ Author Unknown

Change became our constant companion when we started our adoption journey.  We were introduced to new thoughts, ideas, feelings and people.  Our lives were put under a microscope and a great many demands were placed on us by different agencies and governments. Of course, change happens any time you add a child to a family, including those little challenges you encounter when your first child is expected to accept the intrusion of a second child into their little world.  


This was the case for us and our daughter, Sera.  We brought Kyle home in June.  The summer was full of swimming, picnics and dealing with the adjustments that Kyle was going through.  He had great difficulty with the time change from Ukraine to the U.S.  He refused to go to sleep at night which meant we were all a little sleep deprived.  There were several other issues that we were dealing with.  I remember him being so terribly tiny.  He was healthy overall, but there were many aspects of having lived in a baby orphanage his whole life that required an extra amount of attention.


The attachment issues were enormous.  Our new little son had never attached to anyone.  We felt that it was necessary for us to be his main source of contact ... his only source of nurturing.  He needed to get deeply acquainted with us before he got to know other people.  It was necessary and the benefits were tremendous.  However, it was exhausting.  The three of us gave everything we had those first three or four months helping our new baby adjust to his new family.


By the time summer was over and we started moving into Fall, the new had worn off.  Sera had always been excited about the "idea" of a new sibling and God even worked something very special in her heart to accept her new brother.  But after the excitement of having the new "toy" (aka, baby brother) began to fade, Sera was longing for the life that she had known and loved in the pre-Kyle days. We loved our little boy and we were seeing progress with him almost daily.  But for Sera, she was missing her life as she had known it when she had her mom and dad all to herself.  There was an appreciation for the little boy who had joined our family, but she was realizing that the changes she had so bravely endured those first few months were permanent.  


One day she was spending some time drawing and when she was done, proudly presented her artwork to me.  I stood there looking at the picture and then at my daughter's beaming face.  She had drawn a family picture.  Unfortunately, there was something missing from the drawing.  More accurately, some-ONE was missing.  Sera had drawn a lovely picture of her life -- her life the way she remembered it and desired for it to be again...her dad, her mom and one child -- Sera.  


I didn't know which to do, laugh or cry.  As she stood there waiting for a response I was praying for God to help me talk to her about the fact that something was missing from her picture.  I knelt on the floor beside my precious four year old and complimented her on her lovely artwork.  "There are only three people in the picture, Sweetie.  Can you tell mommy who they are?"  She eagerly informed me, "that's daddy, that's you and that's me", as she pointed to each of her stick figures.


We had a little discussion about the obviously missing person.  With such sweetness in her voice and no apparent disrespect for this new little brother she had inherited, she asked me, "Mommy, can we give him back or sell him?"  


Give him back?!  Sell him?!  I talked gently with my daughter about how this was not only impossible, but that we didn't want to do either of these things.  I explained that I understood how she felt and that we needed to pray for God to place a love in her heart for Kyle.  


With the adoption, my daughter had experienced tremendous change and had handled it so well.  But it was hard.  Her life would never be the same.  Fortunately, change is not necessarily a bad thing. This little chrysalis was about to become a butterfly.  


A few weeks later Sera presented me with another of her drawings. My heart was delighted when I saw that in this picture my little butterfly had made room in her heart for her new brother. Immediately, this drawing was framed and placed on the table that held all of our family photos. It was a beautiful and memorable day because we had been a family of three...and now we were four.