Choosing to live with a grateful heart does not mean that our life is void of difficulties ... but when we choose to be grateful our difficulties fade in comparison to His overwhelming greatness. ♥
This journey of being intentionally grateful is interesting. It appears that by nature I have a tendency to whine. Complaining is the choice much easier made on most occasions. I believe there are people who are more naturally prone to viewing life through a positive lens. They tend to glide through adversity and difficulties with effortless oblivion. However, in many people, including myself, I believe being able to find the positives in life takes a conscious, willful effort.
Being grateful is a choice and not a by-product of perfect situations. We will always have opportunities to whine, gripe and complain. But each time we choose gratitude it's like adding another brick to the remodeling project God is doing in our lives. He makes all things new! The life built by the bricks of gratitude is a beautiful life. ♥
How then do we reconcile our declaration to choose gratefulness with pain and difficulties we encounter in life? This is the question that has rattled around inside of my heart the past couple of days as I have suffered a blow to my pride that has caught me off guard. Let me explain. Several years ago my husband and I set out on a journey of following God into the land that He would show us ... adoption. Like Abraham, we set out not having any idea where we were going or what it would look like. We learned about walking by faith and not by sight. Armed with the assurance that God is faithful and that His plans and purposes for us are good, we became pilgrims in a new land.
What we have experienced over the past nine years is a delightful and treasurable mixture of unmeasurable joy and seeming unfathomable pain. We have also been privy to His incomparable provisions, undeniable grace and inexplainable abundance in every area of our lives. There is a richness found when we are emptied of ourselves and find that we are in a place of utter dependence on God to sustain us with each breath. He comforts us when we are otherwise distraught. His wisdom abounds when we cry out and confess that we are completely clueless. There is peace that cannot be explained in times of turmoil. And joy jumps out of the shadows and satisfies our souls with strength to carry on.
With each of the four children we have been blessed with through adoption there is a story. Each child has a specific purpose placed in them by their Creator God. They have their own dreams, desires, gifts, pains and self-will. It is an overwhelming thought that God has entrusted them to our care and one that we have humbly accepted knowing full well that we walk in His steps. Grace guides our feet and mercy melts our hearts daily. We have a continual succession of triumphs and failures, set-backs and progress ... often within moments of each other.
Simply put, parenting is an arduous task in all cases. I remember how incompetent I felt with parenting one biological child. But when God called us to parent adopted children as well, my husband and I answered the call trusting that God would enable us to do the impossible. And while we were sincere, there was no way to calculate the range of "impossible" we would encounter.
For me, I recognized early in the journey that I was experiencing a persistent pricking of my pride. I realized this must be an area where God intended to work and He has. It is amazing to me that God felt I was a candidate for such a task as adoption. At the same time, He has been very gracious by allowing me this privilege --
We have spent several years praying about a particular child's needs and crying out to God for wisdom. All of our best efforts did not seem to be meeting with success. Everything we tried seemed to be failing. We continued to pray, to try -- and it seemed certain that we were running out of ideas and that we had long since reached the end of our abilities to effectively reach this particular child. While we knew that God had been with us all along we desperately needed Him to intervene in an even more visible way. So why did my pride scream and my flesh react when lovingly and faithfully He started to reveal His wisdom to us?
...my rant went something like this, "why did you set me up for failure? You know what our child needs and you knew that it was not within our parenting skills to help this child. I have wasted four years of my life dealing with this constant source of upheaval in our home. Four years I have not been able to parent my other children appropriately due to the distractions and disruptions caused by this child. For four years I have been so exhausted by trying to parent this child I have not felt able to have basic conversations with my other children. I have sought You and cried out to You -- because I knew I was unable to do this on my own. You have stripped me down to bare skin, crushed me into dust and now You kick me in the stomach with showing me all of the parenting mistakes that have been made. Do You think I didn't know this? Do You think I haven't lamented over the awareness of how ill-equipped I am? .... You should have placed this child somewhere else, with a proper mother who could have done in months or a year what I've been unable to do in four years. Go ahead. Tell the whole world how miserably I have failed."
Yep. Pretty much your basic self centered, pride filled tantrum. *sigh*
...and then I looked up and saw Gratitude glancing at me rather awkwardly. I wanted to scream, "Not Now! Do not expect me to be grateful at this moment!"
I admit that it became necessary to dig down deep in my efforts to be intentionally grateful. The fact that the parts of my life that show on the surface may not be especially delightful at the moment doesn't mean there is not a vast treasure deeply embedded beneath. The richness of Who He is and how He loves is always a great place to start.
At times we can stand on the shore and without stepping foot in the water marvel at the beauty of the ocean, maybe even see dolphins play. Snorkeling provides a greater view of the ocean and the beauty that lies beneath. But putting on SCUBA gear and exploring the depths reveals beauty not visible from the shore. So it is with our lives and gratitude. We will have times that our circumstances give us great cause (and ease) for being grateful. There will be times when we purposefully pause and meditate on all the ways our lives have been blessed and subsequently become aware of greater beauty. And when we make the effort to dive down deep we find that there is no end to all that blesses our lives.
In the middle of my recent melt down, God spoke to me through a dear friend who sent me the following quote:
Wess Stafford, president of Compassion International writes:
"I have become convinced that if God stands a child before you, for even just a minute,
it is a divine appointment."
Am I embarrassed that I allowed myself to rant at God? Yes. Therefore, I have spent a few days reflecting on incredible truths. Truth is -- the past four years have not been wasted. Truth is -- God knew exactly where to place our child. Even though I may not understand His ways, I know that His ways are perfect. Truth is -- God will graciously provide everything that each of my children need because that's Who He Is. Truth is -- God has equipped us and enabled us moment by moment. In ways too numerous to count, we have seen God faithfully at work in our family. Truth is -- I have been exhausted at times, but I have also seen a deepening of my relationships with my children, not a lessening. Truth is -- God has blessed us with five beautiful children and filled our hearts with ever-increasing love for each of them.
In the middle of all of the heartaches and stressful moments spent parenting adopted children, the choices made to be grateful have set into place a beauty within my life and my family that I cannot describe with words. And I would not trade the path God has led us down for He has filled our lives with joy. As long as I have breath within me I choose to live with a grateful heart.
