Touched by Grace

• This is a song I wrote a few weeks ago after having the opportunity of going downtown and sharing the love of Jesus with those living on the streets.  
  
  
  Touched by Grace
  words and music by Terha Knittel
  copyright 2012
  
  
  all who are broken
  wounded by life and
  living alone on this night
  if you are hungry
  cold and discouraged
  come to the Savior
  come to the Light
  
  beautiful light
  beautiful love
  beautiful truth to believe
  beautiful comfort
  hope and forgiveness
  beautiful grace to receive
  
  come receive from Him
  life that's worth living
  come taste the feast He prepares
  come drink of water
  filled with His goodness
  come let Him clothe you with
  garments of praise
  
  beautiful light
  beautiful love
  drawing you into new life
  beautiful rescue
  peace and abundance
  beautiful hands reaching you
  
  those who've received Him
  who walk in His freedom
  those who have feasted on
  His bread of life
  look all around you
  lives lost in darkness
  we are the salt and the light
  
  beautiful light
  beautiful love
  beautiful voices of praise
  beautiful rest
  beautiful healing
  beautiful lives touched by grace

Necessary Inconvenience

Inconvenient: 1) not easily accessible or at hand: The phone is in an inconvenient place. 2) inopportune; untimely: an inconvenient time for a visit. 3) not suiting one's needs or purposes: The house has an inconvenient floor plan

troublesome, awkward, or difficult

Can any good come from inconvenience?  This hardly seems possible since by it's very definition the word inconvenient appears so negative.  Not convenient, not opportune, not timely, troublesome, awkward, difficult .... that's a lot of negative.  And yet, we happen upon inconvenience quite frequently. 

This morning I was notified by my heating pad that it was no longer willing to provide heat.  I am heating pad dependent.  My husband says I'm like a reptile that needs a heat rock.  Sometimes I like the use of heat on an aching muscle and often I just like, for no particular reason, the warmth a heating pad generates.  So this morning I was greatly disappointed that, even though the little red light was "on", the heating pad was not fulfilling it's intended purpose.  

And then I remembered an older heating pad that I pretty certainly believed was in the closet.  

What I thought was going to be a momentary glance over the shelves to locate the brightly colored orange and yellow heating pad turned into an inconvenient thirty minute clean-up.  Although I didn't immediately see the heating pad I did notice a white cord that looked promising.  As I attempted to find what I was hoping would be the heating pad at the end of the cord I set off an incredible avalanche of items that spilled out onto the closet floor.

Unfortunately, the main item to fall was my little sewing basket.  It's not actually a sewing basket but rather a lovely little basket one of my sisters-in-law made years ago.  Since I am not a seamstress and have little hopes of becoming one, I have never had a real sewing basket...the kind with a lid.  

As I began the arduous task of locating and gathering all of the needles, pins, buttons, spools of thread, etc. I realized that this inconvenience was, in all honesty, necessary.  It was necessary for me to organize my "sewing" supplies more properly.  Organizing a sewing basket would make it easier to find what I'm looking for when the kids need something from my sewing basket AND with a secure lid there would be less chance of the contents spilling all over my closet floor again.  (note to self:  since I don't use the contents of the sewing basket and only have one to store items the kids need, maybe I should just set each of them up with their own baskets ...)

The inconvenient mess and subsequent clean up....One more inconvenient phone call or last minute change in plans that totally mess up an intact schedule....Children who, at the very last possible moment, show up at the door ready to leave for church with clothes that either do not match, do not fit, are not in season or just plain look goofy.  We deal with inconveniences all of the time.  On second thought, maybe we encounter inconveniences but don't deal with them so well.  

When I am inconvenienced there seems to be an opportunity for me to grow. The question is - will I take the time to find the good that can come with the untimely, inopportune, troublesome, inconvenient, difficult interruptions that cause me discomfort? An inconvenience can reveal a change that needs to be made.  Maybe I need to be a little more organized, a little more patient, a little less self-centered.  I have a feeling I should accept that the inconveniences that come may, at times, be necessary. 

And I'm sure glad I noticed the straight pin that landed inside one of my shoes.

definition provided by Dictionary.com 

   

Gratitude's Awkward Glance

Choosing to live with a grateful heart does not mean that our life is void of difficulties ... but when we choose to be grateful our difficulties fade in comparison to His overwhelming greatness. ♥

This journey of being intentionally grateful is interesting. It appears that by nature I have a tendency to whine. Complaining is the choice much easier made on most occasions. I believe there are people who are more naturally prone to viewing life through a positive lens. They tend to glide through adversity and difficulties with effortless oblivion. However, in many people, including myself, I believe being able to find the positives in life takes a conscious, willful effort.  

Being grateful is a choice and not a by-product of perfect situations. We will always have opportunities to whine, gripe and complain. But each time we choose gratitude it's like adding another brick to the remodeling project God is doing in our lives. He makes all things new! The life built by the bricks of gratitude is a beautiful life. ♥

How then do we reconcile our declaration to choose gratefulness with pain and difficulties we encounter in life?  This is the question that has rattled around inside of my heart the past couple of days as I have suffered a blow to my pride that has caught me off guard. Let me explain. Several years ago my husband and I set out on a journey of following God into the land that He would show us ... adoption. Like Abraham, we set out not having any idea where we were going or what it would look like. We learned about walking by faith and not by sight. Armed with the assurance that God is faithful and that His plans and purposes for us are good, we became pilgrims in a new land.

What we have experienced over the past nine years is a delightful and treasurable mixture of unmeasurable joy and seeming unfathomable pain. We have also been privy to His incomparable provisions, undeniable grace and inexplainable abundance in every area of our lives. There is a richness found when we are emptied of ourselves and find that we are in a place of utter dependence on God to sustain us with each breath. He comforts us when we are otherwise distraught. His wisdom abounds when we cry out and confess that we are completely clueless. There is peace that cannot be explained in times of turmoil. And joy jumps out of the shadows and satisfies our souls with strength to carry on.  

With each of the four children we have been blessed with through adoption there is a story. Each child has a specific purpose placed in them by their Creator God. They have their own dreams, desires, gifts, pains and self-will. It is an overwhelming thought that God has entrusted them to our care and one that we have humbly accepted knowing full well that we walk in His steps. Grace guides our feet and mercy melts our hearts daily.  We have a continual succession of triumphs and failures, set-backs and progress ... often within moments of each other.  

Simply put, parenting is an arduous task in all cases. I remember how incompetent I felt with parenting one biological child. But when God called us to parent adopted children as well, my husband and I answered the call trusting that God would enable us to do the impossible. And while we were sincere, there was no way to calculate the range of "impossible" we would encounter. 

For me, I recognized early in the journey that I was experiencing a persistent pricking of my pride. I realized this must be an area where God intended to work and He has. It is amazing to me that God felt I was a candidate for such a task as adoption. At the same time, He has been very gracious by allowing me this privilege -- 

We have spent several years praying about a particular child's needs and crying out to God for wisdom. All of our best efforts did not seem to be meeting with success. Everything we tried seemed to be failing. We continued to pray, to try -- and it seemed certain that we were running out of ideas and that we had long since reached the end of our abilities to effectively reach this particular child. While we knew that God had been with us all along we desperately needed Him to intervene in an even more visible way. So why did my pride scream and my flesh react when lovingly and faithfully He started to reveal His wisdom to us?

...my rant went something like this, "why did you set me up for failure? You know what our child needs and you knew that it was not within our parenting skills to help this child.  I have wasted four years of my life dealing with this constant source of upheaval in our home.  Four years I have not been able to parent my other children appropriately due to the distractions and disruptions caused by this child.  For four years I have been so exhausted by trying to parent this child I have not felt able to have basic conversations with my other children.  I have sought You and cried out to You -- because I knew I was unable to do this on my own.  You have stripped me down to bare skin, crushed me into dust and now You kick me in the stomach with showing me all of the parenting mistakes that have been made.  Do You think I didn't know this?  Do You think I haven't lamented over the awareness of how ill-equipped I am?  .... You should have placed this child somewhere else, with a proper mother who could have done in months or a year what I've been unable to do in four years.  Go ahead.  Tell the whole world how miserably I have failed."

Yep.  Pretty much your basic self centered, pride filled tantrum.  *sigh*

...and then I looked up and saw Gratitude glancing at me rather awkwardly. I wanted to scream, "Not Now!  Do not expect me to be grateful at this moment!"  

I admit that it became necessary to dig down deep in my efforts to be intentionally grateful. The fact that the parts of my life that show on the surface may not be especially delightful at the moment doesn't mean there is not a vast treasure deeply embedded beneath. The richness of Who He is and how He loves is always a great place to start.  

At times we can stand on the shore and without stepping foot in the water marvel at the beauty of the ocean, maybe even see dolphins play. Snorkeling provides a greater view of the ocean and the beauty that lies beneath. But putting on SCUBA gear and exploring the depths reveals beauty not visible from the shore. So it is with our lives and gratitude. We will have times that our circumstances give us great cause (and ease) for being grateful. There will be times when we purposefully pause and meditate on all the ways our lives have been blessed and subsequently become aware of greater beauty. And when we make the effort to dive down deep we find that there is no end to all that blesses our lives.  

In the middle of my recent melt down, God spoke to me through a dear friend who sent me the following quote:  

                          Wess Stafford, president of Compassion International writes:  

"I have become convinced that if God stands a child before you, for even just a minute, 

it is a divine appointment."  

  

Am I embarrassed that I allowed myself to rant at God? Yes.  Therefore, I have spent a few days reflecting on incredible truths. Truth is -- the past four years have not been wasted. Truth is -- God knew exactly where to place our child.  Even though I may not understand His ways, I know that His ways are perfect. Truth is -- God will graciously provide everything that each of my children need because that's Who He Is. Truth is -- God has equipped us and enabled us moment by moment. In ways too numerous to count, we have seen God faithfully at work in our family. Truth is -- I have been exhausted at times, but I have also seen a deepening of my relationships with my children, not a lessening. Truth is -- God has blessed us with five beautiful children and filled our hearts with ever-increasing love for each of them.   

In the middle of all of the heartaches and stressful moments spent parenting adopted children, the choices made to be grateful have set into place a beauty within my life and my family that I cannot describe with words. And I would not trade the path God has led us down for He has filled our lives with joy. As long as I have breath within me I choose to live with a grateful heart.  

  

Your Word in Me

Your Word in Me

I found a recording of this song that was done at church about six years ago.  My daughter, Sera, made a video to go with the song.  Even though it is not a professional recording, I pray that your heart is blessed by the song and it's message.

http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=K67L6GNX

Prepare the Way

When Christmas comes my thoughts give way

To memories of yesterday

Of family and friends held dear

Traditions passed from year to year

But in my heart I realize 

I'm drawn by truth to recognize

The "giver" and the "gift" so great

The reason why we celebrate.

It's more than hearing carols sung

And seeing Christmas stockings hung

And pageants held on special nights 

The stories told, the sparkling lights

God's gift fulfilled a promise made 

Through Christ our debt of sin is paid

Throughout the world God's light did shine 

This gift both human and divine.

So I will sing the carols old

And listen to the stories told

Of angels singing in the night

Of shepherds and a star so bright

I'll share the news and gladly tell

Of God with us -- Emmanuel

And in my heart prepare the way

To worship Christ this 'holy' day.  

Dear Jesus, I pray that my understanding of Christmas reflect my knowledge of You and my message of Christmas reveal my relationship with You.  May my celebration of Christmas grow beyond the romance of the holiday.  I desire to worship You in spirit and in truth.  


by Terha Knittel, first printed in an Advent Devotional in 2000 

Life Happens

Life happens.  At times it comes at us like a runaway freight train. Other times it seems to creep along at a snail's pace. And something inside of me always longs for the days when it occurs at a moderate and perfect pace of my choosing.  

But this life I'm living is not my own. The day I've been given is a gift that has been shared with me, but it doesn't belong to me. The sun and the spinning earth that determine when it is day and night, do not answer to me.  The loving God who created all things, who tells the sun when to shine, and who wraps up each day as a gift filled with grace and mercy, is a Master Designer. My times are in His hands. 


His plans for each of us are good. When we walk with Him, He withholds no good thing. When life happens sometimes it is messy and ugly and painful and filled with demanding and difficult situations.  


But when our lives are in His hands, He gives us everything we need as the Holy Spirit navigates a path for us. All of our days are filled with just enough moments, sustaining strength, just the right amount of grace, the perfect amount of wisdom, and more love than our hearts can contain.


Life happens. Sometimes it's not pretty. But my life in His hands equals beauty.  


from Dec. 8, 2011 Daily Heart Devotion

Time to panic?

Today I looked at the calendar for the first time in quite a while.  Using my stellar math skills I have determined that the day we celebrate Christmas is 10 days away.  This new realization, added to what I already knew -- that I've not made any progress in purchasing gifts -- makes me wonder:  should I be panicking about now?!?

I love Christmas.  I love giving and receiving gifts.  Unfortunately for my family and friends, I don't do well when it comes to joining these two things together. My first problem is that I don't really enjoy shopping.  Enough said.  The second problem is that I prefer to give gifts throughout the year and not do an obligatory blowout on one day.  

There is also the unsettling commercial aspects of Christmas. How do we carve out a place of genuine beauty and simplicity in a landscape of excessive winter holiday commercialization?  Have we made this day of celebration into a season of idol worship?  I know that sounds a bit harsh, and you should know that I do not pretend to have any answers.  

Celebrations are not a bad thing.  The giving and receiving of gifts is a lovely part of family, friendship and a wonderful way to express appreciation. Parents love to give gifts to their children.  But I wonder if we don't often get caught up in the foot race that is the public display of "Christmas spirit" and neglect the personal dedication to daily "walk in the Spirit." 

I am making a choice not to panic.  We will celebrate Christ's birth and the gift of His love for us.  There will be laughter and singing and food and fun -- with memories made together as a family.         

Am I a scrooge?  No.  I do not believe that I am.  Will my children have presents on Christmas morning?  Yes.  I believe they will. But in order for that to happen I need to do some shopping.  Herein is love -- that I will shop for Christmas presents for my children even though I do not enjoy shopping. Oh, and then there's the wrapping.  Did I mention that I don't enjoy wrapping presents!?!    

note to self:  do not panic!

Unexpected Opportunities  
How quickly my day can be filled with unexpected opportunities (a.k.a. challenges and obstacles, difficulties and stress inducers). I really want to be a person who can roll with the punches and accept these opportunities with open arms, ready to experience the blessings that are hidden beneath the facade of being unexpected, unwelcomed, unintended, unbecoming and untimely.


When my plans are interrupted or ten more things are added to an already busy morning, I am easily frustrated. I see my time and ability to perform compared to the enormity of what I feel is expected of me. When I do this, I lose. Accepting my inabilities and weaknesses is really quite freeing. Being reliant on His strength and power at work allows me to accomplish the seeming impossible. Trusting in His unfailing faithfulness lets me rest in His arms when the whirlwind that consumes my life spins and turns.  

So, this morning when my husband called and told me the heating/air guys were on their way -- totally unexpected to me -- definitely not on my schedule -- and just something I really didn't want to have to deal with today -- I panicked. (*blush*) How my flesh cries out when I am pinched.  

But in His marvelous, gracious, loving kindness, God came near. As I looked to Him and let Him know how completely unable I was to handle this particular unexpected opportunity, He loved me. He held me close and allowed me to breathe. I imagine He was singing a song of encouragement and love over me.  At least that's how it felt.  

The hidden blessing of this particular unexpected opportunity ... maybe that the children will be warm as they sleep tonight, or that the wet rug was discovered in the boys bathroom before it ruined the floor. It is also possible that the hidden blessing came as the unexpected opportunity sent me to my knees and I was provided a few extra moments of intimate snuggle time with God this morning.