Coming out of the depression of the late 1800s we entered a new era. During this time a new song became popular in our country that was written by a young English woman in 1918. "Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace."
Helen Lemmel wrote this song after reading a missionary tract simply titled, "Focused" that contained the words, "So then, turn your eyes upon Him, look full into His face and you will find that the things of earth will acquire a strange new dimness." The need for comfort, for peace, for answers to life's questions are met in a relationship with Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. The song has endured throughout the years and it's message of looking to Jesus continues to encourage believers to fix their gaze on the One who is able to meet all of their needs.
When we adopted our youngest from Ukraine seven years ago, I learned something about the benefits of fixing your gaze on the one who is there to meet your needs. I had done a small amount of reading on adoption, with my main emphasis on international adoption. One topic stood out: the common issues associated with attachment disorder found in institutionalized children. What I took away in my spirit from the information I gathered was very simply condensed to: the child needs to look at you when you feed him/her.
I learned that in the baby orphanages the ratio between children and caregivers is such that in order to get all of the babies and toddlers fed the caregivers have to line everyone up and quickly put the food in the mouths of several children at a time. These little ones are not coddled or encouraged to interact. They often sit and stare out a window or into space while food is being put in their mouths.
This really grabbed my heart because I knew that after giving birth to my daughter the feeding process was quite different. She and I were interacting. I was talking to her, singing, touching her and it was definitely a time of bonding. One continual love-fest. My baby would look at me and watch me intently. We even carried on little conversations while she was an infant, and I, as her mother, provided everything she needed. It seemed a very natural interplay between my baby girl and myself. We were getting to know each other and she was shown love and affection with each diaper change, bathing, feeding and burping. Her needs were being met by someone who loved her as completely as a human is capable of loving.
Armed with this one piece of information, my husband and I embarked on an adoption journey to Ukraine and found our beautiful baby boy waiting patiently for us. We were in agreement that before we even left to return home we would begin requiring him to look at us when we fed him. This was a difficult decision and subsequent task, but I am convinced this was the absolute best decision we could have made in regard to bonding with our son.
There is definitely something relational about an infant turning their gaze to the new parents. For my infant son, learning to rely on a loving provider required trust. In the beginning we weren't anyone special in his life worthy of trusting. It took a relentless pursuit on our part to faithfully be present and lavish our love on him before he could accept the relationship he was being invited to join.
Every time he looked in our eyes there was a small breaking of his own will. Each time he accepted his nourishment from us he was accepting our authority and provision. And every time he looked to us we lovingly and faithfully provided.
Relationship began to develop. Little by little bonding occurred. The little boy who didn't like making eye contact or being hugged and kissed began to engage and become affectionate.
In the baby orphanage my son was provided with shelter, nourishment, clothing and a few of his other basic needs. It would be safe to say he was surviving but he was not thriving. There were important things missing from his life that only loving parents could provide. I remain grateful for that little piece of information the Holy Spirit led me to and that my husband and I were willing to exercise a tough love from day one with our son.
I am unable to think of this bonding relationship with my son without thinking of my relationship with God. When I turn my eyes toward Jesus there is a breaking of my will. I am accepting His authority and provision. When I look to Him for comfort, or peace or answers, He is there lovingly and faithfully providing. Being attached to Him takes me from a life of surviving to thriving. The world, assisted by me, myself and I, is able to offer an unfulfilling life of survival. In contrast, when I focus my attention on the One who never tires of lavishing His love on me, my life is full. I thrive.
1 comment:
So true. Our daughter had a different form of attachment disorder, but the results are similarly miraculous. And I found that I learned so much, and continue to learn so much about my own relationship with my Father God as I parent her to wholeness.
Post a Comment