Feathers and Wings

This picture came in an email the other day.  I find it very beautiful and moving to me, both as a mother of my children and  as a child of God.  The Scripture verse that accompanied the picture in the email was Psalm 91:4  He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge.

How perfectly this photo captures the essence of that verse.  How reassuring and comforting to see this beautiful example of being covered and protected by feathers and wings.  

Time to Listen

With five kids in the house, usually all talking at the same time, I find that I spend quite a bit of the day not listening to them.  I've become so used to all of the chatter that I often just tune them out.  That is terrible, I know.  Even more terrible is that I have been known to wear headphones just so they would think I was listening to something else and I would not be expected to listen to them.  I am recognizing that I need to become a better listener.

Listening is a very important skill.  It requires an intentional effort of being quiet, a turning of your attention in a specific direction and a certain degree of sincere interest. In our world full of chatter it is easy to tune out the noise and neglect the effort to listen.  My youngest often takes my face in his hands and turns my head toward him so that he knows he has my attention. Apparently he has learned that from me when I've wanted him to listen to what I was saying to him.

Not only do I find myself not listening to my children as I should, I also fail at times to listen to God.  This has prompted Him to lovingly cup my face in His hands and turn my gaze toward Him. "Look at me, Terha.  I am saying something important that you need to hear."

Listening to God is a crucial element in my relationship with Him.  There are times when not listening to God might be associated with a rebellious spirit or deliberate disobedience. But for me, most of the time my failure to listen is due to my spiritual head phones of laziness and busy-ness.

I remember learning about prayer being conversational.  When I heard this idea of a two way conversation between me and God it revolutionized my prayer life.  I talk - He listens.  He talks - I listen, (keeping in mind the old adage that I have two ears and one mouth so I should listen twice as much as I speak.)  Of course, it would be easier some times if He would speak in an audible voice so that I could be certain of what He's saying.  Even so, by His grace I'm learning to recognize His voice with greater certainty and regularity.

Tuning out sometimes seems easier than exerting the energy it takes to listen. However, being a purposeful listener will definitely benefit my relationship with God and with my children.  Therefore,  I think it's probably time to take off the spiritual and physical head phones that I've grown accustomed to wearing ...  and listen.

My Common Vessel, His Noble Purpose

God is so incredibly merciful and His grace astounds me.  My faith has been stretched and I have seen marvelous things on this journey.  ... it is so beautiful to look back and see what God has brought us through.  My heart jumps up and down when I realize how magnificent He is and how unfathomable His love is for all of us.  My unworthy vessel has been used by the God of creation for a noble cause and I am blessed.  

These words are taken from an e-mail I wrote today. I was writing to someone I met recently and sharing about our experience with adoption. My husband and I were lovingly led down the path to adoption four years after the birth of our daughter. There is no way we could have seen into our future and visualized where we are today. We set out on a journey with our trust and our hope placed in the hands of the all-wise God. Struggles and difficulties plainly positioned themselves along the way, but we have seen the faithfulness of God revealed in countless, compassionate ways.

After sending this e-mail I began to ponder what my heart was attempting to express. My mind focused on two passages of Scripture;

It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort,

but on God's mercy. 

Does not the potter have the right to make

out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purpose

and some for common use?

Romans 9:16, 21

Do your best to present yourself to God

as one approved,

a workman who does not need to be ashamed 

and who correctly handles the word of truth.

In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver,

but also of wood and clay; 

some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble.

If a man cleanses himself from the latter,

he will be an instrument for noble purposes,

made holy, useful to the Master and 

prepared to do any good work.

2 Timothy 2:15, 20-21

There have been seasons in my life when I have frowned upon God, as the Potter, and his unacceptable forming of my clay. Honestly, that sounds so ridiculous as I type. Who did I think I was?  I obviously didn't have any clue about who God IS! Why did I think that I could do a better job of designing my life? I assume it was a miserable mixture of arrogance and ignorance with a dash of delusion thrown in. 

My mind was often filled with what I perceived to be noble purposes. I dreamed of fulfilling the will of God ... I envisioned His will lining up with my inventions and intentions. My mind would invent a worthy use for my life and my heart would stand ready to endorse my intent.  This was all such an obscene and ostentatious exercise that would be laughable if not for being so egregious.  

All the while, a gentle, kind, loving Father patiently and continually looked on. My life is like a well-read book. His faithful provision has dogged-eared the pages. His loving heart has highlighted portions of my text. I see His handprints all over the lines of my life. His pen of grace has underlined, circled and written countless notes in the margins. Some passages reveal more wear than others. Undoubtedly, each word was carefully chosen, each chapter clearly written.   

I've always seen myself as common. Over time I have surrendered my commonness to His lordship. No longer do I question His design, nor do I have any desire to expend energy in that pursuit. I desire to be His instrument. I want Him to use me in His timing, where He feels best and how it most suits Him.  

In this season of my life it suits Him to bless me in our home with my husband and our five children. He allows me to experience His never late provision in remarkable ways. Just this week I have witnessed Him provide answers to questions that have perplexed for an extended amount of time. To arrive at  solutions to these dilemmas was beyond my reach and I was left completely at His mercy. This has become a familiar place. A place of blessing.  

No longer do I frown upon God's abilities to be God. Although He had no obligation to prove himself or His worthiness to me ... He has! The profound nature of the truths He has revealed during our adoption experiences inspires me to continue to look to Him in all things. He gave me a gift when He chose us for adoption.  And His plan for me to be a wife and mother is a present I would have never dreamed so excellent. 

He saw what I could not have known.  He knew how His design would transform my heart and my life.  He was aware of the life He had for me and He knew it was extraordinary!  It is humbling, yet delightful, to know that He takes my common and unworthy vessel and uses it for His noble purpose.  

Crazy's Just Not That Far Away

Taking a little trip to Crazy today. 

It's not very far. Shouldn't take long to get there. 

Just hope I can find my way back home.

These are the words I posted on Facebook this afternoon.  I have so many things pressing on my mind and chewing up time lately that I feel I'm not getting anything accomplished.  The number of major decisions I'm needing to make rather quickly is making my head spin.  

It seems I'm having difficulty recognizing God's peace.  Sometimes the path seems clear and other times it's as though a thick fog prevents any visibility.  I'm trying to not succumb to the stress or throw my hands up in despair, but I'm noticing today how very thin my wall is between peace and anxiety.  Paul writes in the book of Philippians "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."  He goes on to say, "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Recently I've been working on closing out last school year and finalize the coming school year.  I hate to admit that it has not gone as well as I would like.  I love it when everything goes smoothly and all the pieces fall into place on my timetable. Sometimes God's timing just seems so wrong!  There are times when I've been convinced that He is running late.  I am ashamed to say this, but I have even on occasion blurted out that He just didn't care enough or He would have met my need the way I wanted, when I wanted.  

Over the years, though, God has proven faithful in all things.  His timing is absolutely perfect and beautiful all the time.  I've witnessed how loving and concerned for me He really is.  I was wrong to have thought otherwise. 

So I am older now, and as David said in Psalm 37, "I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread."  I am confident that God will provide whatever is necessary.  He is working even now on all the details to make everything ready for me to make the right decisions, as I so desperately desire. He will lead me through the fog or He will clear it, but either way I will trust Him to lead me beside still waters where I will know peace.

With all the anxiety that is constantly on stand-by just waiting for an available seat in my heart, I am certain of how necessary it is for me to trust Him, rest in Him and keep the communication open between us.  Otherwise, it could all just about drive me crazy ... and crazy's just not that far away.  :)

UPDATED: Kitchen Proposition Progress?

Meal planning is going really well so far.  Monday night the kids were in VBS so I planned for my husband and I to eat Japanese ... at a small, local Japanese restaurant.  Since that plan went so well, and my kids were still in evening VBS, on Tuesday night I planned for us to eat German food ... at a small, local German restaurant.

Ok. So I'm not getting off to a very good start.  But I just couldn't see wasting the opportunity for the two of us to go out and have dinner alone.  That just doesn't happen very often around here.

On a positive note, Steve and I have been able to have a couple of productive parent/teacher conferences.  I'm trying to finalize all of the details for school next year. Next year...unfortunately, next year is just around the corner.  In reality I probably have less than four weeks before the new school year commences.

I value Steve's wisdom and input and support when it comes to our children's education.  He listens to all of my ideas and the things I've discovered through my research for curriculum.  After we pray, discuss, and pray some more, he shares his thoughts and opinions.  Together we make the decisions for each of our children and their particular educational needs.

Now that I realize the new school year is so rapidly approaching I'm thinking we may need at least one more parent/teacher conference to finalize our decisions for the school year.  And the sooner the better.   Hmmmm......what should my meal plan for tonight be?  Chinese, Italian, Tai, Mexican, Creole/Cajun......

Update 7/14/11
I had one reader suggest Rheinhart's fried Shrimp for our planned meal last night.  While a good suggestion, my hubby chose a little Italian restaurant in Grovetown, Armando's.  He had chicken parmigiana, Sasha (my soft hearted husband invited our eldest son to tag along :) had a meatball sub, and I had a delicious pizza.

If you have not tried Armando's, I would recommend it.  It is a very nice place and the food we've had is very tasty.

But I must report that there has been no further accomplishment or forward progress with the meal planning .... yet.  My new goal is to be up and ready to implement a meal plan next Monday.

Since my husband invited our son to join us for dinner last night we were unable to have our parent/teacher conference concerning decisions for the rapidly approaching new school year.  So..... I'm thinking we have this evening available since the kids are still in VBS.  I guess I need to quickly plan what we're going to have for supper tonight ...

Kitchen Proposition

If it was considered a healthy diet I could eat some kind of chips (with and/or without dip or salsa) and drink ice cold Dr. Pepper for just about every meal.  Crazy thing is, besides the fact this diet is not considered acceptable, my husband and children don't share my opinion!  They prefer meals consisting of real foods.

Their desire (and apparent dietary need) for a more balanced and diverse diet creates a constant strain on my culinary creativity.  I currently have MAYBE a dozen meals in my rotation.  Recently, much time has been spent in prayer and contemplation about how to become more organized and purposeful in meal planning and expansion...of meals in the rotation NOT my waistline.

I have a friend who runs circles around me with her projects around the house.  She is one of those...sewing, decorating, painting, baking, cooking, planning, organizing, etc. So, rather than be discouraged by watching the amount of things she gets accomplished compared with the tiny amount I seem to attempt, I have decided to be inspired by her meal planning.

Every Monday this friend puts together a meal plan for the week. This makes sense. I'm sure it is a good thing. My kids are always asking me "what's for dinner, mom"? With a meal plan I would be decked with delicious answers without a bit of hesitation. But, I must admit I'm a bit stymied by the size of the task. No matter how good it seems or how much sense it makes, it all feels overwhelming to me.

Armed with my friend's weekly meal plan and a very helpful blog she introduced me to ... the time of execution has come. I am mustering up every ounce of courage I have to make this huge step from my comfort zone into an unknown arena.  Meal planning and menu expanding time is here.  I am using my blog to hold me accountable.  If I can be diligent and disciplined I believe this will be a wonderful endeavor.  Praying that I don't fail!  :)  My cousin posted a quote the other day on Facebook,

“That which we persist in doing becomes easier for us to do; not that the nature of the thing itself is changed, but that our power to do is increased.”

I am hopeful that if I am able to persist in this new kitchen proposition it will become easier along the way.   It is a pleasant thought to be prepared to give an answer when my kids ask "what's for dinner, mom?" ... because right now my general, all purpose answer is "food."

Jeremiah 29:11 (edited version :)

We landed in what looked like a corn field.  The plane and the airport were both very small.  But I was twenty years old and on an adventure that caused everything around me to appear bigger than life.  Sioux Falls, South Dakota had never been on my radar as places most recognizable or desirable.  In fact, I knew nothing about the city or state other than it was west of the Mississippi and one of the rectangular looking states.  The only other thing I could claim as knowledge was the obvious truth that South Dakota sat directly south of North Dakota.  Yet, I had accepted an opportunity to travel for one year with a Christian singing group and we would train and be based in Sioux Falls.  So here I was.  Alone and away from my home and family, but I was ready to begin experiencing the life God had for me.  And even while standing in what seemed like the middle of nowhere,  I was confident that whatever He had planned for me was good.  

Ten years later, and after countless joyful experiences and painful heartaches, I met an amazing young veterinarian who was living in my home state of Illinois.   This young man, whom I described to my dearest friend as having kind eyes, softly stepped into my broken life and quietly began to win over my wounded heart.  He seem undaunted by the task in front of him.  

The ten years between the time I set out for God's adventure in South Dakota and our first meeting had taken it's toll on my heart.  Life has a way of crowding in and crushing our hopes and dreams.  The world we live in is filled with hurting people who in turn hurt others…sometimes without knowing and sometimes with great intention.   

The young veterinarian was living in Illinois but had grown up in South Dakota.  Having been raised on a South Dakota farm he was not easily shaken. He had seen his share of adversity, difficulties, disappointments and was well acquainted with hard work.  I was amazed by how grounded and stable he was.  There was such a solemn steadfastness about him.  Tenacity…faithfulness…and patience.  

I, on the other hand, had been quite shaken by unfortunate experiences.  I had encountered painful situations that I was not equipped to handle.  The adversities I faced had knocked me down and left me dazed.  Sadly, I had allowed disappointment to attach itself to me and my heart bore the scars intended to prevent it from any future hurt.

Over time, the steadfast love of the young veterinarian slowly melted the scars and I found myself ready to love and be loved.  Patiently he walked with me through a friendship, a courtship and later a romance.  As we have walked through our lives together the past twenty years I have seen the picture of Christ and His bride become more clear through the patient, faithful love I've been shown.  

  

This weekend we are in South Dakota staying at the farm where my husband grew up.  Without hesitation I can declare: I am blessed by God's sovereign design, His plans for me and His perfect provision.  God prepared a young man on a solitary farm in South Dakota and equipped him to be a loving, faithful husband and father.  My husband is the perfect companion for me and just the right father for our children.  The life God has designed for us is very good.  

A lifetime ago when I stepped off the plane in South Dakota I was trusting God to reveal His plans for me.  Little did I know then how beautifully He would bless my life.  Now, every year I board a small plane and fly to a small airport in what seems like the middle of a corn field.  But now I am not alone.  I am surrounded by people I love, on an adventure of a lifetime, living the beautiful life that God has given me.